i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
