I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
