Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
