If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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