When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
