Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
