glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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