never play flip cup with pint glasses
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
