I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize