I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The power of my boobs compel you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
