If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
