In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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