You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
