I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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