I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
