white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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