i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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