I just made out with a guy for $7.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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