I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
