Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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