brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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