I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
