2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
