HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
