Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
