do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize