Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
