There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
