cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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