Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
3pm strippers are depressing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
