wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
