upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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