Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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