ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
