??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
