ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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