i just had sex bonerless
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize