I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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