So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
