Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
