after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
