I look better un-naked...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
