If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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