the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
