The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
