she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
