You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
