i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
