its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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