so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
