A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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