come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
