he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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