I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
