Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
