My Higher Power is John Stamos
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
