My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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