he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
