I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
