hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
