dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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