I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
