what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
