I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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